A Cup of Coffee is Where it Starts
"Do you want to stop in at Starbucks before we go home?" he asks.
"Yes." I say
The simple act of driving to the coffee shop, waiting on line, coming eye to eye with the barista, speaking my order, and waiting for my steaming, hot cappuccino feels therapeutic, tangible, and real.
I check my snapchat account to see what my daughter has been up to all day. Teenagers today snap the little details and pockets of time they spend away from home. This is the total opposite of what life as a teen looked like for me. The last people on planet earth I wanted knowing my business were my parents! But times are different now, and she has this account which I monitor closely. I don't know why everything must be snapped, but I admit that I love having this view of who she is when she's not with me.
Our coffees are ready. It's chilly out and I'm glad I wore my poncho. I don't know why, but I begin to think about how I need my thoughts to be logical and linear, not all over the place which they very well have the right to be at this moment in my life. I begin to think about the ways in which I can keep things clear and in focus so that when my thoughts stray, I can come back to this very grounded place. A cup of coffee is where it starts for me.
And I thought that in this season of showing up inside of a strength I have never known, I might share with you some of the ways I'm reminding my feet to stay connected to the ground.
Oils ... My oils have becomes so sacred to me. Everyday I spend a few minutes reading about a different oil ... its uses, emotional meanings, and how it works medicinally. Through my favorite source of oil information, I have found out that Fennell oil was used to bestow inner strength and courage to warriors. I have also learned that Helichrysum oil can lend a person inner strength when feeling hopelessness and strengthen ones courage through the healing process. These are 2 oils that I do not own, but will purchase today to create my own warrior strength elixir mists.
Knitting ... Thank God for needles & yarn. Who knew knitting would be one of the things that kept shit in my mind straight? I remember after my mom died that I got really big into cooking. The ritual was 1. buy a cooking magazine 2. pick a few recipes 3. shop for ingredients those recipes required .. and 4. cook recipe step by step. It was as if I needed to be told how to do something or simply given a list of instructions to follow that required none of my own thoughts to interfere with the outcome. Knitting is very much like this. I am given a pattern, a needle size, and told what kind of yarn to buy. I then knit the pattern until it is done and other than a few sizing adjustments, my thoughts need not interfere with the process.
Laughter ... For me, when things are weighing heavy on my chest, I find comedy and laughing helps break up that full on energy. For real. And right now what has been making me laugh the hardest are a combo of Celebrities reading mean tweets on Jimmy Kimmel (Liam Neeson + Ryan Gosling are my faves) and almost every James Corden carpool karaoke (except the Britney epi which was awkward AF). Kitten videos have been known to save me as well. (*if you have comedic sources that will send me over the edge with laughter, please send them my way in the comments).
Lastly, the thought does not escape me that my family and I are facing something tremendously frightening. We did have a sit down with one of the best surgeons and the truth of our situation is that my love has to have triple, possible quadruple bypass surgery very soon (likely in the coming weeks). This is so big, but I cannot yet feel the enormity of it because I am in warrior mode. I'm being strong. I'm getting shit done that needs to be gotten done (paperwork and stuff). And truthfully, in the moment, I am thanking my God and all the stars in the galaxy that what Z has going on is treatable with surgery and modern medicine. This is a miracle some people do not have the luxury of experiencing. I am going to be ok because I have to be ok, until I don't have to anymore. I know that part will come. But right now, I am doing all the things I know how to do just to be ok.
I'm not kidding myself.
This stuff works.
We really can make it through difficult times.
And then, when times get easier, we can grant ourselves permission to lose our fucking shit.
Happy Friday. xo