matters of the heart

Hey again. We made it through surgery beautifully. My warrior man had his triple bypass {heart opening} operation. Then a few days after that, he had a defibrillator / pacemaker device implanted under his collarbone which is connected to his heart. The doctors call it insurance. I call it battery backup. Should his heart go into any form of abnormal rhythm, this device will shock it back into a normal one. He looks amazing now that he is home, showered, shaved, in his own clothes, and walking. I have the next 3-6 weeks off of work to help him regain his strength through nutritious foods and extra love before he can begin his cardiac rehab exercise. He has very limited use of his arms, shoulders, and chest at the moment so I am his (literal) right hand. We will be together at all times, for the next two months while he heals. That also means I have a lot of time to noodle around online, blog my heart out, and get our respective online businesses in some kind of presentable order for the holidays. <-- See? That's me thinking ahead and feeling all optimistic :)

Thank you guys for all of your messages of hope, love, support, concern, checking in, etc. We have felt your love from every angle and we are truly in awe how the simple act of sharing our story resulted in such kindness being sent our way. I will always keep you updated and posted on his recovery either though my blog or my Instagram ... and it is all with my love's permission. He has personally been blown away by the concern & love (he thanks his drummers who drummed through the surgery and the Reiki healers who are sending love vibrations his way). For real. You guys are amazing with your generous hearts.

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I also need a space (this space) to show up and spill my creative writing, musings, and ideas as I have always done. I crave room to talk about all things outside of my husband's health. His health occupies all of me right now, so coming here is like exhaling.

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A few weeks ago, Christine Chitnis shared a photo of all different varieties of squash she was going to roast for a pot of soup. It was timely inspiration for me. I went to the store and loaded up on squash, apples, garlic, and low sodium chicken broth.

I cut and seasoned all of the different varieties of squash. When they were close to being finished, I added the chopped apples (which roast quickly). When everything was baked to caramel brown, I removed the pan from the oven, scooped all the yums into a pot (minus skins), added the broth and used my hand immersion blender to blend into a creamy soup. I did not add cream but I easily could have. I gave the soup a nice pinch of sea salt and pepper and voila, done. I loved the roasted garlic as an addition! It gave the soup a dramatically bold layer of deliciousness that was just perfect for my taste.

There was plenty extra so I froze some for later. This was a smart move because last night I didn't feel like cooking. There was enough soup for all of us! I did make us all low sodium versions of chicken quesadillas on the side {roasted chicken leftovers, low salt cheese, & hummus tucked into a low carb tortilla heated to a golden brown on both sides).

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Yesterday was my birthday. My daughter made it very special for me. She "borrowed" her grandma's credit card and ordered me gifts last week so that they would arrive on my birthday. She also ordered me a cake from my favorite bakery. I had to drive her to pick it up but I was not allowed to go in with her and she used her dad's credit card to pay for it. I thought it was so sweet how she planned everything out and it definitely made my day even more special.

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These are the most recent photos of me. They were taken at the beginning of the month. I'm now 42. I love that number. I love it a lot more than 41 which was a bumpy year filled equally with good & not so good things. I'm giving myself permission to dream about what 42 could look like. I had some fear around dreaming of the future, but I find myself now on the other side of loving someone who had heart surgery and feeling very confident about his health going forward. And while I want to "be" here and I "am" here, it's nice to look to the future with a sense of longing.

I'm thinking on an idea of new gem infused fragrances that support the mind body and soul through the holiday season. My current obsession is a tonka bean / coconut / patchouli blend. Mmmmm.

I'm curious about what's going on in the world and how I can play a role, even if it's a small one, in making things better. I have many ideas on this that I'm writing about in my journal.

I'm clearing my calendar and then filling it up with time slots for housework and business work. It makes me feel productive.

I've had to say no and make cancelations of plans that have been in the works for over a year because, life happens. I love that my friends who, I was supposed to gather with next week on a beautiful northern lake, were so supportive even when I felt like utter crap for saying no at the last minute. They have been a life line to me.

There will be time for gatherings at lakes and oceans and cities and cottages soon.

Today, there is only here and now. And it is such a gift. xo

As a photographer, Bella Cirovic is curator and keeper of life's most sacred moments. Her clients have said she has a way of capturing them in instances of magic and whimsy and that her steadying presence helps them feel at home in their skin.


She witnesses stories while living her own healing adventure. Bella's photography and video work have been featured in magazines, print, books, and documentary films, including 2017 Manhattan Film Festival pick, Bright Lights by Jen Lee.

An impassioned lover of nature, Bella works with earth and plant medicine for  purposes of deep soul examination, sacred ritual, and ceremony. From this passion her enchantment​ with perfume blending was born. She now offers her handmade talismans and treasures in the form of anointing oils, elixirs, space cleansing mists, and oil concentrates in her soulful online boutique. She considers herself a light bringer, a companion for the journey who adds a playful and trusting energy to the circles she is invited to or a part of.

Bella C.


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