Don't Count the Minutes

December 15, 2016

I'm feeling parched and dry. My body is telling me its thirsty. This morning I made myself a smoothie. I filled up the cup with the usual suspects: 1/2 banana, apple, strawberries, tablespoon of vanilla yogurt, coconut water, and cinnamon. As I sipped, I swear I felt my muscles expand. I have held myself so tight, waiting and worrying that something might go wrong. The smoothie felt like an exhale, a surrender to everything that I have zero control over.

 

The truth is that while everything is fine on the surface, we {the three of us} are each going through the emotions a family goes through after heart surgery. The exhale. The "holy shit, what have we just been through and how did we make it to here"? We are holding gratitude in one hand and fear in the other. We are traumatized and triumphant. We are wounded and blessed and everything in between. How does one "be" in this space? 

 

I remind myself that there does not have to be closure to the feelings around this event in our lives. We still get to feel everything in whatever capacity it shows up. We can be brave and face the feelings or we can be tired and rest and not deal for a while. There are no rules. We can be distant and still so in love. We can be mad at what has befallen upon us. We can laugh because it helps us heal.

 

Right now I'm curled up on my couch, wrapped in a cozy winter blanket with my dog curled up next to me. I'm watching what remains of the full moon set behind a milky blue morning sky. The wind is howling, the trees are swaying, and an annoying draft is coming through my old, crickety windows. There is so much possibility that exists in this day. I feel present, alive, whole, and lucky to be living this life, here in this place with these people.

 

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I want to share two card decks that I purchased recently that are so freaking awesome! I love oracle cards and devotion decks ... I had seen these two on the internets and had coveted them from a distance. Lately, I've been feeling like I should gift myself some things that would help me through a long winter {and while I love the winter season, it still takes a toll on my sensitive soul}. 

 

From Tisha Pletcher ... her card deck Provisions, find it here. It is a purely magical deck! I just love it. I also follow her on Instagram ... her photography is stunning.

 

And, oh my goodness from Mara Glatzel the Daily Tending deck, find it here.  This deck is unique in that each card is a prompt or a mantra for each day . . . absolutely true daily tending.

 

And now, a request: Do you have any contacts or knowledge of support networks post heart surgery? I would really like to explore this because I feel like we are struggling to find our footing. And while I know we are early in the process and only two months post it is totally normal to be feeling the feels, I feel like a support system would be a great help. You can leave a note in my comments or email me. Thank you!

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As a photographer, Bella Cirovic is curator and keeper of life's most sacred moments. Her clients have said she has a way of capturing them in instances of magic and whimsy and that her steadying presence helps them feel at home in their skin.

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She witnesses stories while living her own healing adventure. Bella's photography and video work have been featured in magazines, print, books, and documentary films, including 2017 Manhattan Film Festival pick, Bright Lights by Jen Lee.

An impassioned lover of nature, Bella works with earth and plant medicine for  purposes of deep soul examination, sacred ritual, and ceremony. From this passion her enchantment​ with perfume blending was born. She now offers her handmade talismans and treasures in the form of anointing oils, elixirs, space cleansing mists, and oil concentrates in her soulful online boutique. She considers herself a light bringer, a companion for the journey who adds a playful and trusting energy to the circles she is invited to or a part of.

Bella C.

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